I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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