Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
