i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
