then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
