dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
