Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
