He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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