OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
