i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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