Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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