Can Purell be used as lube?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There's always time for handjobs
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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