Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
