i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
