Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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