we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
