Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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