I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize