Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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