theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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