just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just found puke in my bra..
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
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