did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
