We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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