just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
