You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize