he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
