the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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