Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
