Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
