He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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