I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
