be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize