i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
