Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
