The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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