nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
