Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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