Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
