I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
