I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
