yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
