I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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