you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
