What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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