pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
