Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
