I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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