Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
