I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
