I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize