I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
