we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
