So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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