I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
