Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
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