i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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