that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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