I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
