if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
