I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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