you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
