dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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