well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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