people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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