My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
