I don't think brook has ever known best
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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