Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
