i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize