I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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