how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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