I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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