Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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