just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
