Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
