College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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