i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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