did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
